LONDON BOUND.

TESS MORNANE.

i met a girl in the summer through a friend of a friend. we all became friends and i loved going to their house. she's really really talented and i always thought she was so interesting. she had loads of amazing photographs to show me, that she had taken. i really looked forward to going to see them. she gave me a holga camera and she's just lent me a ticket to london so i can have my tattoo finished and to see old friends.  i'm really quite gutted she left to go traveling before we could see each other more. i've persuaded her to make a blog once she leaves athens, she has lots of talent and i want to help her.

she's done well, as i always struggled to like australians!

she took this.

and this.

and she uses the word beb.

i'm receiving lots of beautiful messages in my facebook inbox. they're really really encouraging. kind words from people i regarded as acquaintances, as well as friends i'd made only recently.

they're about how people are proud of me, how they're jealous that i've done what i've done, and that they understand why i left london.

it's really nice to hear.

TWENTY TWO.

it was my birthday yesterday. i turned 22. i know everybody asks, do you feel older? of course you dont miraculously get older that day. but i really think i have grown into a 22 year old in the last fortnight. it's not a long time for a boy to grow into a man but i think it's happened. or is happening. i've always told myself that 23 is the age i'm going to be happiest. i think it's the age you no longer are a kid, and it's still not the age you need to worry about the rest of your life. plus i think it sounds sexy to be 23. and next year i will be 23, on the 23rd of august. it only happens once in your life. and i'm lucky it's on my favourite age.

we went bowling last night, drunk bowling. it was UV bowling. like you were bowling in space. it was fantastic. it was the first time i had been bowling in years and i whooped ass. every monday i plan to go there. ad become champion.

i knew i had a sporting side to me.
and i think space bowling is the ultimate of sports.

PHENOMINAL

watch this.

BITTERSWEET.

how can you miss a time when you didn't sleep, you didn't eat, you were unwell, looked like shit and were plain dirty.
a time when people went crazy, when your belongings were stolen, when everybody became fiends.
a time where you worried about what would happen if you ran out.
i got fired from my job, i spent lots and lost more.
i had to lock my bedroom door with an industrial size padlock.
eviction threats, endless breakings.
stains on the carpet, bed and walls.
straining friendships.
straining shoreditch.

BUT MY GOD DID I HAVE FUN.

i just spoke to jana. we reminisced those horrible days.
dancing and singing to the most amazing new music we could find.
getting to know every little single part of a person, staying up for days just talking. not moving. talking and drawing. laughing so much.  the joiners was amazing, after parties were great. messy, but great.
new places to go, people to see.

i miss it so much, but i know it had to end.
i can't imagine myself doing it again, as much as i'd like to.
the memory of the good/bad bittersweet time will always live on in my heart.

website up and running.

joshuashock.com

MOPE.

it's my birthday weekend and i had a nice plan with my friends from london.
they were coming down today to come and stay in cornwall with me until my birthday. we were going to party in fields, walk dogs, go to car boots, to the fun park and have generally sleazy newquay nights. camping in the garden to add that little bit more of a holiday feel.

they missed the bus to cornwall. i don't know if anybody is to blame, but i guess going out the night before didn't help. i asked them not to get wrecked so they'd make it in time and be here for my birthday.

this comes after my not-so-nice one night stay in london on wednesday.
i had a lovely time with the guys from 241, we unpacked all my bags and looked through all the stuff that i accumulated over the time i was there. it was nice, we all got on really nice.

then i said goodbye to them and went to see the other guys, i was really excited to see oscar and the emily's and oliver etc. we got there and horse tranquilizers were induced. meaning none of us even really spoke to each other, i stopped taking it. but some carried on to the point where they weren't really human. so i went to bed disheartened. expecting emily to wake me up, but i had to leave before she got home and oscar wasn't even in the house when i left. so i was sad anyway.

got home and been told that people at 241 are pissed off with my because i referred to the house at 'that house' and badmouthed the people in it. as if i were on a high horse looking down on them because they were all laying around taking drugs.

i was merely expressing that that is not my life anymore and i'm happy with myself for what i've done in cornwall.

add to that, i can't listen to my music because my speakers were left at a strangers house, and i'm in absolute agony thanks to my dad and the gym, and the weather makes things that little more gloomy.

true friend meg is taking me bowling on monday, my birthday, and i will own new kickers. so that should add a smile.

KERNOW BYS VYKEN.

means cornwall forever.

most certainly will if we keep making pasties like this (and it's only a 'medium') :

SET IN STONE.

the plan, my plan of life has been written down and set in stone.
it feels good to have a guide.

THE WORKS OF...

finally i begin to show the world that i draw.

marc.

blow my speaker.

GREEN TORTOISE.

in the spring i'm flying to new york and going on a road trip. there's this bus that takes you from new york along the south of america and up to san francisco via canyons, springs, caverns, valleys and mountains. stopping off at las vegas too. it's a green bus that you sleep and eat on. it lasts for 14 days and you stop at loads of different places that aren't your generic landmarks. you get shown real towns, you sleep under the stars, you can go hiking, you can do outdoor adventures. you have nights out, stay in hotels. it's like, it's like....heaven.

BLANK CANVAS.

so i fucked up again.

almost to the day a year after the last fuck up.

i'm back in cornwall, again.

i've given up on the ideal life in london, it's not a good place for me. i was stuck there, squashed like gum under a shoe. i thought i could carry on behaving as i have done for the past eight months, all fun and frolics and parties and friends. but very quickly that turned into everything i didn't want. i became unhappy. and being surrounded by disco friends made everything worse. i tried running away from them, from all of it. hiding away and not saying a word. but that just pushed the closest people to me, away. the people i needed the most i was fucking over. and i hate myself. i've had this feeling in my stomach for a long time, and it's like when you're hungry. but i'm not hungry. i feel anxious and full to the brim with guilt. along with a million more regrets. 

time to take action.

(in chronological order:)

move home, live for free, eat for free.

work. earn money. pay my debts.

draw. get creative.

visit london, visit the real people, that count.

save, save, save. fly to new york, catch a bus along the states, look at canyons and get my shit inspired.

be high on life.

GROW UP.

have interesting stories to tell.

draw more.

work. save.

move to..

move to..

move to london?

move back to london? or carry on, on a whim. 

see where i'm taken.

ON HEAT.

time to get gay.

AN EYE FOR AN EYE.

bullshit blogs are just pictures of nice things. here's my generic blog post with pictures of nice things.

my boys